


Kylie Renner

by Reylo (PhelfromGrace)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Crossdressing Kink, F/M, Humor, Kinktober 2019, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mistaken Identity, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, pansexual Rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 03:51:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21247022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhelfromGrace/pseuds/Reylo
Summary: CRACK Drag!AU. In which Kylo Ren is not shredded with an eight-pack, but in fact weighs 30 pounds soaking wet under that black dress. It has its advantages, really. It makes him a passable drag queen, only by a margin, but enough to catch the eye of a naive and thirsty girl named Rey.





	Kylie Renner

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ridiculous fic in early 2016 when the undercover boss SNL skit came out. I kept it to myself because I didn’t feel comfortable posting crack when reylos were being bashed and not taken seriously, but damn it’s 2019 and reylo is canon! Life is good, have some smutty crack.

A shiver runs down Rey’s spine as the next queen walks onto stage. She had seen many beautiful women tonight, but in her eyes, nothing compares to this blonde bombshell with legs so long that she wants to call her daddy, after the spider, because she already feels caught in her web. The queen is wearing a high-neck black mini dress, and a corset pushing up small breasts that Rey relates to on a spiritual level. Those slender legs are clad in fishnets and thigh-high boots, while arms are entirely covered by long thick leather gloves. A leather collar, with bolts on each side, hides the entirety of her neck; such a collar is certainly meant for a beast, and Rey hopes that she doesn’t already have a master. 

"Finn!" Rey shouts over deafening music. "Who's that?"

"Kylo Ren."

"Kylie what? What's her name?"

"Ren! And it's not a her."

"Renn...er?" Oh whatever, she’s calling her Kylie. 

Rey gets off her barstool and makes her way to a table near the stage, which is extremely easy to find since most of the audience ditched their seats when the last performer finished their set. The remaining spectators seem more interested in their drinks and conversations than this gorgeous dime on stage. Rey is baffled, but also considers it a blessing as it meant less competition.

Up close, the woman is even taller and more intimidating. Dark eyes and huge lips. If Rey was a dude, she knew exactly what that mouth could be used for, what she would make her use it for...

The music picks up and Kylie starts twerking with their non-existent ass. Rey doesn't know what twerking is supposed to look like, so she thinks that Kylie is the best dancer in the world. Then suddenly, they make eye contact. It’s brief because Kylie turns around to show more ass, but it’s enough for Rey. She returns to the bar at the back to ask her friend a pressing question.

“Finn!” she yells over the loud music. “How do women have sex with women?”

"The hell would I know. I guess fingers, tongue, toys like dildos and strap-ons, that sorta thing.” Rey looks thoroughly confused at that last one, so Finn explains her the concept. She listens with rapt attention, then looks back at the impressive woman on stage who is still twerking despite missing every beat of the music.

“I want her,” she states, and turns away from Finn.

“Wait, what? Where are you going?”

“The love hotel next door. I’m booking a room for that woman tonight.”

Rey is already out the door before Finn has the chance to tell her that the person on stage was not biologically female.

**

After booking the special room with extra toys, Rey returns and sees Kylie Renner sitting by the bar. She doesn't say anything, just shoves a keycard and address into Kylie’s gloved hand, and then walks off with a wiggle of her small but cute ass.

**

The wait kills her somewhat, but Rey is good at waiting. She looks down at the dresser to make sure that she took out all the necessities—dental dams, vibrator, blindfold, and best of all, the strap-on. That last one makes her wet already.

She opens the drawer of toys again, and laughs at the condoms, but contemplates hard on the flogger and handcuffs. At that moment, she hears the swipe of a keycard from the other side of the door; she shuts the drawer and rushes to greet her guest.

Kylie enters in all her towering glory, and before she has the chance to say anything, Rey pounces. No words were needed. 

Rey has to tip-toe to kiss her, and Kylie even bends down a little to make up the distance. Her plump lips are soft and oh so buttery like Rey imagined, but her skin isn't as porcelain smooth as it appeared... in fact, it seems a little scratchy, especially along the jawline. But no judging! Women all have their issues, their insecurities.

Their makeout session progresses quickly and Rey soon finds herself stripped from her pants and panties. Kylie goes down on her and it’s absolute bliss. Women knew women. Rey curses aloud, partly from the pleasure, but mostly at her past. She wasted so much time with men when she could have been spending it with awesome women like Kylie.

A blindfold slips over her eyes and she doesn’t bat an eyelash. Rey listens to the alluring sound of Kylie taking off her clothes, the squeaky leather and jangling of metal fasteners. She imagines her wearing the strap-on, and has to hold back her thoughts before she climaxes hands-free. She hears the drawer open, which registers as a little weird, but maybe there were other items that Kylie wants to play with. 

The distinct crimpling of a plastic wrapper cuts through Rey’s lust, but before she can remove her blindfold to see what her partner is doing, she gets fucked and lord is it amazing. Kylie hits all the right areas inside her, at the best pace; it fills her up and fits so perfectly. Shit, Kylie was a pro at this strap-on business. Rey would have to get pointers and then maybe try it on her in return.

Rey’s eyes roll back as she climaxes. Kylie is however relentless and keeps on going until she climaxes again. 

_Sorry Kylie._ She’s way too exhausted to return the favour tonight.

**

Morning brings a mild hangover and the unfamiliar sensation of being spooned by someone much harder than expected. Rey would have sworn that she slept with a woman last night. Then again, Kylie was pretty tough, solid and sturdy, kind of like herself, so the suspicion must all be in her head. 

Kylie nips at her ear, a cute yet sensual gesture, like a playful cat. Except the chin that brushes against Rey’s skin somehow feels a bit rough, as if the cat’s fur was shaved to a bristly and coarse surface, like sandpaper. The scratchiness moves down her spine as light kisses are planted all over her back; it tingles in an oddly enjoyable way, and she wonders if round two was about to start. Large ungloved hands hold onto her sides and she swears Kylie is able to encircle her entire waist with those long fingers and huge palms. 

"This isn't just a one night stand I hope," says an incredibly deep voice, distinctly masculine. Not even a hundred years of smoking and a crack addiction would turn a woman's voice that low.

Rey whips her head around, and screams. 

Bare chest with no breasts, she’s not judging— she’s not particularly endowed either— but not even the flattest of flattest women would have a chest like that. Heck, the chest is excusable since women got mastectomies, but...

"Why do you have a penis?!" she screeches. 

"What kind of question is that?!" 

Rey sputters, looks to the mess of leather clothes and blonde wig on the floor, and spots a condom wrapper. Realisation hits: she was fucked by that _thing_ which makes no sense because men have never made her wet the way Kylie did last night. In fact, even with the penis and flat chest, she is still turned on. 

"You _actually_ thought I was a woman? I’ve been told that I'm arrogant and a cocky asshole, but in this department, I admit that I'm a shitty drag queen."

"No but, you just haven’t had it removed right? You’re a woman, but just haven’t… changed the parts, right?" She is smiling but the man Kylie...or now Ky_lo_, she supposes, looks back at her very seriously.

"So now that you've realised that I'm a man, you want nothing to do with me. Is that it?" His voice was laced with anger, but mostly hurt. He gets up from the bed, standing super tall even without the heels.

"No!" Rey surprises herself when she leaps out to grab his wrist but misses because he turns to face her in that same instant. Her hand meets his groin and she grabs his flaccid penis instead. 

A normal person would simply let go, maybe apologize, but Rey's thirst has completely impaired her to function normally. And so, she just observes the thing in her hand like it's some curious sea cucumber or one of those derpy blob fish from the bottom of the ocean. "I have nothing against penises. I’m just very confused right now."

Despite all the things that cause uncertainty, she knows for sure that she doesn't want him to leave right now, so she grips him harder. He groans and she instinctively starts to jerk it. It twitches, so she jerks it more to see what happens. At first, it reminds her of a wiggly sad earthworm squirming for life on the sidewalk after it rains, but then it evolves into this rock-ass hard creature, like if a Weedle said fuck-it to its natural evolution and just randomly morphed into an Onix. Rey can’t help feeling impressed by the male anatomy, and kind of feels envious of their power of transformation. What did women have? A hole that needed to be blocked every month. Then again, that hole also gave fuckin’ life, so yeah, not a bad trade-off of power. 

He sighs. "Rey, you have three options. One, you let go and we forget this ever happened. Two, you put it in your mouth and blow me. Three, I'll put it in your pussy and fuck you."

"How did you know my name?"

"You said it last night."

"No I didn't." She looks at him suspiciously. Did he know something about her? Why does he suddenly look familiar… "Have we met before?"

"Just pick a damn option."

"Three."


End file.
